How To Get Over A Controlling Ex

And then here you are – just when you idea you were gratuitous of your ex, only when you thought yous'd put all that pain and anguish behind you, just when you'd finally started to heal, of a sudden your manipulative ex pulls you back in. Do you have to go through all that pain, frustration, heartache and anger once more?

No. Not if you handle the situation correctly. Handle it wrong, though, and yous're likely to be riding this roller coaster for a long, long fourth dimension.

There's an important lesson for you lot to learn when dealing with a manipulative ex, 1 who simply won't permit you go. Only say no. Or even better, just say nothing.

Think nigh it. You and your ex bankrupt up. That means your relationship is over. Information technology doesn't affair whether yous broke up with them, or they dumped you, or yous concluded things by mutual agreement or common neglect. Any the reasons, exist they noble or ugly, the result is the same – your relationship is over, and yous need to get-go interim like it's over.

Sure, it would be swell if your ex started acting similar information technology's over, too, just you don't take control over them. All you accept control over is yourself – your decisions and your attitude.

Here's an Idea: Cutting Off ALL Contact

The all-time, healthiest mode to move by a suspension up is to cut off all contact with your ex. No messages of any kind, or only letters of a housekeeping blazon – if you lot lived together and have to arrange to motion your stuff out or vice versa. Only that'south it. Once the interruption up is over, no more contact.

text-from-ex If your ex contacts yous, y'all don't reply. Yous block their texts and phone calls, straight their email to your spam folder, and unfriend them on social media. In the unlikely event a paper letter arrives in your mailbox, ha ha, you sell it to a museum, since no one writes letters anymore. No, if a letter arrives, y'all throw information technology away without opening it.

This simple rule will save y'all a ton of heartache.

Recollect about it – why would your ex want to contact yous? Perchance you recall they want to get dorsum together over again. Peradventure they call back they want to get back together again. I don't care, and neither should you right now.

Sure, a couple of months down the road, when both of you lot have had a lot of fourth dimension to think it over, then it's possible, however unlikely, that you might consider trying again. Only for at present, for the showtime month or six weeks after a breakup, and for probably much longer, you should have no contact at all.

If your ex is contacting you lot, any contact at all, that'due south some form of manipulation. They want something. They want something from you lot. They want yous to do something for them.

Peradventure they're feeling distressing and alone and want you to help them experience better. Peradventure they're feeling angry and they desire to vent some of that anger at y'all. Maybe they desire sex. Or they feel guilty for dumping you lot, or cheating on yous, or lying to y'all, and they want you to reassure them that "information technology'southward OK, I'm OK, don't worry about information technology."

Maybe they know you feel guilty and they realize, either subconsciously or consciously, that they can manipulate you into doing something or saying something they want.

It doesn't matter. None of these things are your business concern or your responsibility once you two have cleaved up. Both of you demand to cut off all contact so you have fourth dimension to heal and get your heads screwed on straight.

Y'all are no longer responsible for whether your ex feels happy, sad, angry, frustrated, lonely, guilty, aback, furious, depressed, suicidal or homicidal. They are responsible for their feelings, and you are responsible for yours. Right now, after a suspension up, your feelings are more than enough of a task to keep you decorated. You don't have any time or energy to spare trying to fix somebody else's.

Avoid Traps

A manipulative ex may say all kinds of crazy, drastic things to become you to react. They may threaten suicide and blame you. They may tell you that information technology'south your fault they have to spend thousands of dollars on therapy bills. They may spread lies about you (or truths nearly you) amidst your friends or on social media. That's how the relationship works – your ex acts, and you react. They human action again, and you lot react once more.

This quickly becomes a pattern and you spend so much of your time reacting to what they've said or done that you no longer accept time for yourself, for your ain feelings, your own business, your own healing. You no longer act , you simply react . Don't autumn into that kind of trap. One time you reply, yous give abroad your power to act on your ain behalf. You but react, and you are trapped.

manipulative-ex Information technology's important to empathize that your ex is an adult, responsible human being and that their problems are now their concern.

You might feel very guilty or sad or aroused about the breakdown. That's totally fine and normal.

You lot should feel all kinds of powerful emotions in the days and weeks and months post-obit a pause up. Merely those feelings are your business organisation, non your ex's business concern.

So go along them to yourself, and share them only with friends and family you lot trust.

Cut off all contact with an ex, and peculiarly with a manipulative ex. You lot tin't exist manipulated if no messages get through. Afterward a pause up, your principal responsibleness is to yourself. You demand to focus on your own healing, and so that you tin regain your emotional residuum and get on with your life. That's not possible if you are reacting to provocations from your ex.

Learn first to say no, and then larn to say nothing.

Jessica Raymond

Jessica Raymond, BSc, is LoveLearnings senior editor. Equally a human relationship coach, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. Whether information technology's finding your i true love or just charming someone on a date, Jessica'due south got your dorsum! In her articles, she reveals little-known, psychological tips that volition make even the coldest person chase you effectually like a little puppy.